Infiltrating Hogwarts
by The Hermione Granger Fan Club
Summary: The story of The Hermione Granger Fan Club being whisked away to Hogwarts and trying to get Hermione's autograph. If you lot like it, I'll write a continuation.


  
  
Infiltrating Hogwarts... The Hermione Granger Fan Club's Quest   
  
Narrator: "Once upon a fanfic, there lived nine mad Harry Potter fans   
who banded together in their ultimate desire... to get Hermione   
Granger's autograph. they called themselves The Hermione Granger Fan   
Club. They were-"   
  
(SCENE CHANGES TO AN AVERAGE PRETEEN'S BEDROOM. NINE SLIGHTLY ECCENTRIC  
GIRLS ARE IN THERE, READING FANFICS AND LAUGHING)   
  
Writer Woman: "Can we PLEASE come to order, you lot?"   
  
Narrator(shakes head sadly): "Writer Woman was their prim and proper   
president-"   
  
Say What? (turns angrily to Narrator): "Oi! CO-president, if you don't   
mind!"   
  
Narrator (laughs): "And Say What? was co-president. She was... dynamic.  
Carmel Cutie was slightly ditsy."   
  
Outlaw (to Carmel Cutie): "So, who's your favourite Harry Potter   
character besides Hermione, Carmel?"   
  
Carmel Cutie: "Parvati Patil!"   
  
Narrator (to audience): "See? Well, Outlaw was the, um, outlaw of   
the group."   
  
Outlaw: "What? Parvati PATIL? THAT DITZ?"   
  
Narrator: "Smart Alec was a girl of few words."   
  
Smart Alec (smirks): "No duh."   
  
Narrator: "Ronja was a real wiseacre. No questions about her favourite   
male character, eh?"   
  
Ronja (revoltedly): "Writer Woman, you're wearing MAROON!"   
  
Writer Woman: "So?"   
  
Ronja: "I hate maroon. Anyone with a brain in their head hates maroon."  
  
Writer Woman: "Well, soreeee!"   
  
Narrator: "Ginger Kitten was the club's official typist, and very   
sarcastic."   
  
Ginger Kitten (from seat in front of laptop computer): "Ooh, yeah, I   
just LUUUURRRVE maroon. It rocks!"   
  
Writer Woman (to Ginger Kitten): "Oh, be a jem and shut up."   
  
Narrator: "Em was the giggly one."   
  
Em (reading over Ginger Kitten's shoulder): "Hey, you lot, a new Gitney   
Spearheads filk! Ooops, I did it again!"   
  
Narrator: "Finally, there was Leela Jordan. Aside from Harry Potter,   
she loved Futurama and Kenan and Kel. Leela was outspoken, one-sided   
in her opinions, loudmouthed and obsessed with a certain male   
character..."   
  
Leela Jordan (looks over Em and Ginger's heads and cracks up): "By   
Lee Jordan's dreadlocks, that's hilarious! Can I review, pleeeease?"   
  
(Ginger Kitten, Leela Jordan and Em all start having a huge fight)   
  
Narrator: "Well, that was them. Dead weird aren't they? But one day,   
picking up rubbish as a punishment for starting a riot in the   
playground over a single snide comment from the Barbie Doll Fan Club's   
president about their new badges... long story... something happened   
that would take them on the adventure of a lifetime."   
  
Outlaw (holding up a plastic wrap caked with crumbs): "This rots!"   
  
Writer Woman (crossly): "It was only thrown there half a hour ago,   
Outlaw. Get a clue!"   
  
Outlaw: "Not just this stupid lunch wrap! The general situation!"   
  
Carmel Cutie (angrily to Ginger Kitten): "I can't believe you tipped   
your leftover lasagne over her head!"   
  
Ginger Kitten: "Well, excuuuuse me! I was just sticking up for us! She   
started it!"   
  
Em (grinning wickedly as she remembers the BDF Club leader picking meat   
sauce out of her hair): "Yeah, and we finished it!"   
  
Leela Jordan (sniggers): "Yeah, nothing beats us!"   
  
Ronja: "Mmm-hmm!"   
  
Smart Alec: (nods furiously)   
  
Writer Woman (straightens up, mopping her brow): "Well, we missed   
Spelling and Maths but if we report to the Head quick enough we can   
get to Art."   
  
Narrator: "The whole lot of them looked up and saw their lunchboxes   
under the trees, just where they'd left them. They jogged over, picked   
up their respective boxes and started to walk away..."   
  
Say What? (yelling over her shoulder to Smart Alec): "Keep up,   
Smart Alec!"   
  
Smart Alec (holds up her lunchbox): "Feels heavy."   
  
Outlaw (sighs heavily): "Wimp."   
  
Smart Alec: "It does! Look!"   
  
Narrator: "She gave it to Outlaw, who almost dropped it."   
  
Outlaw: "Yikes! This feels !@#$ heavy, you lot."   
  
Narrator: "She handed it back to Smart Alec. Not that it was much of a   
relief. The others began to complain about their own lunchboxes."   
  
Em (not giggling AT ALL): "This is so HEAVY! D'you think the BDF Club   
put sand in them, or something?"   
  
Narrator: "They should have seen magic at work, each having read the   
Harry Potter books too many times to count. But suddenly- their hands   
clamped down on the lunchbox lids, they felt the irresistable navel   
jerk that Rowling had described so well and suddenly it became clear-   
their lunchboxes had been turned into Portkeys!"   
  
Whole club, even Smart Alec: "YAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHH!"   
  
Narrator: "As soon as they landed, they got shakily to their feet.   
Where were they? It soon became clear..."   
  
(Leela Jordan is pulled to her feet. She suddenly gazes at the horizon   
with a mixture of shock and awe.)   
  
Whole club except Leela: "What?"   
  
Leela Jordan (eyes shining): "Holy Lee Jordan. Guys- it's HOGWARTS!"   
  
***   
  
How did you like them? The Hermione Granger Fan Club and all of it's   
members are entirely my own creation. If you people out there like   
this story, then I'll write a continuation. Check ya!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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